My thoughts in italics…
Best Picture
The Artist seems to be the favourite here but it’s in black and white and has no dialogue or aliens or spaceships so I won’t be seeing it. The Help is the only one on the list I’ve seen but I think there are too many other “high brow” competitors for it to have a chance. Then again, Hollywood does like to pat itself on the back for how progressive and inclusive it is. Fucking kill me if anything associated with George Clooney or Brad Pitt wins.
- The Artist
- Moneyball
- The Descendants
- The Tree of Life
- Midnight in Paris
- The Help
- Hugo
- Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
- War Horse
Actress in a Supporting Role
I fell in love with Jessica Chastain in The Help (in a gay way) so I’m rooting for her. I don’t think Melissa McCarthy has a chance in hell and I’m really surprised to see her on the list since comedy actresses don’t seem to get much credit from the academy but it would be awesome if she did win. Fat girls need love too.
- Bérénice Bejo, The Artist
- Jessica Chastain, The Help
- Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids
- Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
- Octavia Spencer, The Help
Actor in a Supporting Role
Christopher Plummer because he plays a gay! No, I don’t really know anything about the people in this category except that what the fuck is Jonah Hill doing on this list? But Mr. Plummer won the Globe so I imagine he’ll win this.
- Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
- Jonah Hill, Moneyball
- Nick Nolte, Warrior
- Christopher Plummer, Beginners
- Max von Sydow, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
Actress in a Leading Role
Aren’t we all just a little sick and tired of Meryl Streep? Don’t we kinda wish that she would just fuck off for awhile? She’s an amazing actress but I need a break. I could see Jen Lindly winning it more for recognition of all the awesome work she’s done in the past few years. Or maybe Rooney Mara, people seem to be talking about her a lot lately and “transformation” roles are always popular.
- Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
- Viola Davis, The Help
- Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
- Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
- Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn
Actor in a Leading Role
I could not give less of a fuck about this category this year or any of the people nominated.
- Demián Bichir, A Better Life
- George Clooney, The Descendants
- Jean Dujardin, The Artist
- Gary Oldman, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
- Brad Pitt, Moneyball
Best Director
See above.
- Michel Hazanavicius
- Alexander Payne, The Descendants
- Martin Scorsese, Hugo
- Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
- Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life
Original Screenplay
Bridesmaids! If this is going to have a chance anywhere it’s this category.
- The Artist
- Bridesmaids
- Margin Call
- Midnight in Paris
- A Separation
Foreign Film
Not in my fucking country!!!
- Bullhead
- Footnote
- In Darkness
- Monsieur Lazhar
- A Separation
Animated Feature
Any category that includes Kung Fu Panda 2 should be eliminated.
- Cats in Paris
- Chico and Rita
- Kung Fu Panda 2
- Puss in Boots
- Rango