Author Archives: Marc

Improvements for the Kindle

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Kindle I’ve had a Kindle 3 for about four months now and I love it.  I’m reading so much more now and if it weren’t for re-reading that goddamn Song of Fire and Ice series I would have read even much more.  But as much as I love my Kindle it’s missing a few features.

More search options. The options for searching are really limited and annoying. Let’s say I want to jump to books written by William Gibson. To do this I have to sort my books by author, type ‘W’ and hit ‘Go’. It sounds fine but this only takes me to the first page of books with author name starting with ‘W’ and then I have to page through to find the author I’m looking for.  I assume the same applies to finding specific book titles.  For me it would be more convenient to use the search function. The problem is that there is no option to search by author or title. Instead search function goes through the full text of my entire collection! I have over 1000 books so this can take quite a bit of time. And in fact, I’m not sure this even searches titles anyway. I’d test that out but I don’t have the patience to wait.

More power. The speed on the kindle is not great. I know that for this size factor and at this price point there’s only so much power you’re going to get out of it but at the very least it should be able to handle the number of items it can hold. I can’t really use the search function anymore because the last time I tried it seemed to work for a few minutes and then gave up and the screen went blank. Admittedly, this is one that isn’t going to change on the model I have but I hope my next Kindle is zippier.

Screensaver options. I wish I could select the screenesaver that comes up when I’m not using it. I don’t mind John Steinbeck because apparently he was a hottie but I hate when I’m stuck with those hags (not in the fun way) Agatha Christie or Emily Dickinson.  I’d like to either choose just one of the pictures that are on my kindle and stick with it or even to go onto Amazon and have a selection of images to choose from. OR, even better, some kind of custom message: “If found, please e-mail….”

An interface for organizing books on my PC.  Kindle has a feature called Collections where you can group books together however you choose.  But between the large number of items on my kindle and the small amount of power available to flip around my collection and group things something like this would be rather tedious. It would be great if there were a program for my PC where I could just drag and drop things into collections and update via USB.

Kindles are great for keeping an entire library in a tiny device but I wish it were easier to get around and work with my collection.

What changes would you like to see in the Kindle interface?

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An Idiot on Two Wheels

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As part of my effort to go from fat to fit I’ve been trying to incorporate physical activity outside of the gym into my day.  Aside from the idea that more exercise is better I also want to get some of it outside of the gym for the sake of not getting bored of the gym.  My goal is to go to the gym on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and then on Saturday do something active like a bike ride or a run.  Last weekend I thought I’d go for a bike ride.

Penny FarthingI bought a bike last year, rode it maybe three times and into my shed it went for the next 8 months.  I got it out a few months ago to go on a ride but the tyres were low.  Rather than just give the tires a squeeze as I was pumping them up to see how inflated they felt, I decided they needed to get to 75 psi, which is what was indicated on the tire. I have since been told that this is a ridiculous level for a bicycle tire, which probably explains why the tyre immediately burst.   It usually takes me at least 2-3 months to build up the motivation to get just about anything accomplished, especially things that don’t impact my daily life so it wasn’t until this past weekend that I finally got around to fixing the flat tyre.

As will become more and more apparent on this blog, I am the world’s dumbest smart person. It’s not that I don’t have the ability to work things out it’s just that I’m incredibly lazy.  When something is put in front of me I often take it at face value because it’s a lot easier than analyzing it and deciding if it makes sense.  So when I needed to figure out what size inner tube I needed for my bike I looked at what was available, saw there was an 18″ size, looked at the receipt for my bike and saw that it was described as “Apollo Code Mens Hybrid Bike 18″“ and promptly bought an 18″ inner tube.  It didn’t occur to me that an 18″ wheel on a men’s bike would be rather impractical (though probably pretty funny to see). One thing had 18″ and another thing had 18″ so job’s a good’un!  Apparently this 18″ for the bike has something to do with the frame size, not the wheels. 

Anyway, lacking the tools required to change a tyre, which, it turns out, is more than just a spanner, I sought help from my friend’s father who seemed like the type of guy to have a lot of tools.  My instinct was spot on. This man had a whole box of tools, all dedicated to the repair and maintenance of bicycles.  He set to work removing the old tyre as I watched on, nodding approvingly. I did offer to help but I think it was apparent to both of us that it would be quicker and easier if I just watched. Once the old tube was out I unboxed the new one and the error in my selection process was immediately apparent. The sad, tiny limp thing in my hand could barely have fit on the gear sprocket, let alone the actual wheel.  To the man’s credit he took this all in stride and moved on to trying to repair the original inner tube.  However, the repair kits he had were quite old and the damage from my inflation debacle was not minor. This was no small rip in the wheel but “a proper lady gash” (his words, not mine).

By the time this was all done it was time to go eat a massive roast dinner but because dads are awesome he told me to leave the bike with him and he’s going to get the right inner tube and fix it for me.  At first I thought this was just a very nice thing for him to do (which it certainly was) but it later hit me that despite me watching him do it once and him telling me what to buy he still had zero faith that I would be able to accomplish this on my own. I think he’s wrong but this wouldn’t be the first time I let someone think I was a complete moron in the hope they would do something for me. Never underestimate people’s capacity for generosity that comes from thinking they are dealing with someone who is at least half retarded.

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Why Google+ Shouldn’t Try to Beat Facebook

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Sam Biddle at Gizmodo recently wrote: Why Google+ Will Never Beat Facebook.

His main point seems to be that everything Google+ can do Facebook can do better.  I think that’s true if you look at Google+ as a replacement for Facebook, which I suppose was the original intention. But it’s growing into something completely different and I like it.

As a Facebook replacement I agree that Google+ really has no chance.  The size of the user base alone would be hard enough to overcome.  800 million users!  But the real problem is that the average Facebook user is not the type of computer/Internet user who takes up new things, tries them out and figures out how they can benefit them. The uproar that occurs every time Facebook changes any aspect of the site is proof enough of that. That type of person is unlikely to even try out Google+, let alone switch over completely.

Facebook is amazing for connecting and sharing with people you know… because they’re all there! The people who get the inside jokes in status updates or who were at that party where the pictures of you drunk off your tits were taken are not on Google+ so going there to share something like that is pointless.

The main advantage for me of Google+ is that there are discussions going on about a wide variety of content that I can’t find in my Facebook timeline. I have a handful of friends who are into the same kind of tech/geek/whatever topics that I am into but for the most part Facebook is composed of people form different parts of my life outside of my “hobbies”.  On the rare occasions that I share content outside of photos or personal status updates and the like on Facebook it tends to be something humorous that I think will have fairly broad appeal or a piece of news that I think is really important to get out there.  At the best I get a few likes and if I’m lucky a couple of “LOL!”s (which further discourage me from sharing on Facebook).  Or I might share something with a specific person because I think they’ll find it interesting.  But I don’t share most of the things I come across on the internet on Facebook because I know that the majority of my friends won’t be interested.

The people I follow on Google+ on the other hand are selected based on shared interests.  The things they share are the things I’m into and want to discuss. And there is so much discussion happening on Google+!

I can’t say that at the moment things I post on Google+ generate any conversation but the more I take part in the discussions going on about things posted by people like Wil Wheaton or Brian Michael Bendis, the more people add me to their circles and the wider my network grows.  And the more I take part in discussions the more I find people are replying directly to me.

The more time I spend on Google+ the more I see that it is becoming less like Facebook and more like Reddit. And if Google could just get it’s shit together and make sharing seamless across any site it would be an amazing alternative or even complement to Reddit. It’s almost like a curated version of Reddit where I identify the people who are into the same things as me and let them bring the content to me. Sub-reddits are a bit like this but I find the whole interface of Reddit to be a pain to use.  The Google+ interface is clean and easy to use. I like that the content being shared and discussions about it appear next to each other (unlike Reddit) and that the discussions refresh automatically.

Google might never beat Facebook but I think it does have a shot at beating Reddit.

tl;dr – Facebook is for social sharing, Google+ is for content sharing and discussion.

Are you using Google+? How are you using it?

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C’mon and Get Healthy!

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I’ve recently embarked on (yet another) health kick.  By recently I mean I’ve been to the gym twice in the past 4 days.

I’ve been a member of or had regular access to a gym off and on since I was about 21.  In those nine years my belly has gotten bigger and bigger. I’ve belonged to the local gym for about a year now but in the last three months I’ve been twice.  And even when I was going more regularly I wouldn’t really call what I did working out so much as showing up.  I’d spend about 15-20 minutes there pretending to work out before decided it was time to go home and eat cheese.  I might as well have been throwing that £30 in the bin every month.

I met with a trainer last week to design the program I’ll follow at the gym.  All of the cardio and weight machines use an electronic key that holds your program and tells you what machines to use, how many sets/reps to do, and how much to lift. I really need this kind of structure because of aforementioned lack of discipline.  Eventually I’ll move to using free weights as I understand there is only so much progress you can make with the machines but for now I like having the key that tells me what to do and automatically tracks my progress.

My program alternates between cardio (35 minutes) and weightlifting (30 minutes) with the primary goal being to burn fat.  Eventually I’d like to “get big” but for now I want to focus on making my gut disappear.  My weightlifting focuses on my arms, chest, and back.  I commute in to London for work, which involves about an hour of walking every day so I’m not too worried about my legs. I also find that my legs are very responsive to exercise/toning. If I did actual weightlifting with them I’d look like one of those crazy speed skaters who look like little heads on top of enormous thighs and calves zipping around on ice skates.

In terms of my diet I’ve been counting calories. Not religiously but enough that I have a general idea of how much I’m taking in. During the week I’m usually pretty good in terms of number of calories. I might not always eat the healthiest foods but my calories aren’t too high.  However, that all goes out the window on weekends, starting on Thirsty Thursdays.  Alcohol, especially pints of lager, are where I fall down (literally!) so I’ve been trying to switch to vodka and soda, which I know sounds like an alcoholic saying they are switching from gin to wine, but hey, I’m just being realistic.  I like to think of it as dietary harm reduction.

I’m excited about this new program; I’d forgotten what actual working out felt like.  I won’t lie, I mostly dread it beforehand and struggle when I first start but after the workout I feel fucking amazing. I especially like ab exercises because my abdominal muscles are basically entirely atrophied so they get really sore and it feels like I’ve accomplished something. For a split second I imagine what it feels like to have a six pack… and then I look down and realize I can’t see my penis in the shower. Jokes! I don’t have a shower in my flat, just a bath.

I’ve heard that talking about workouts and diets in public helps you stick with the program because the fear of the shame of people knowing you have given up will encourage you to keep going. So be sure to remind me what a worthless piece of shit I am if I don’t mention anything about the gym in the next few weeks!

Current weight: 86.7kg

 

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Weekend Update

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I had a productive weekend.  On Saturday I did 3 loads of laundry, had my contact lens check-up, bought a temporary replacement phone, and drank a litre of vodka.

I went to a friend’s birthday on Saturday night and as she was turning 27 she dropped the ’2′ and held a 7 year old’s birthday. There were cupcakes and cookies and face-painting. And just like the best children’s birthday parties I’ve ever been to, lots of vodka!  Most people wore school uniforms.  I’m usually up for a bit of dressing up but I waited until the day of the party to look for something and even then my efforts were pretty half-hearted. So instead of dressing as a seven year old I just got dressed up: my new fancy brogue boots, jeans, a shirt, tie, and cardigan, and suit jacket. And then I claimed to be the chaperone, which I thought was a pretty clever last minute save / work of bullshitting.  But if anyone was expecting me to be the voice of responsibility and maturity they were sorely disappointed.  I probably would have been fine if I’d just stuck to my vodka tonics but the vodka jellies were coming left, right, and center. And I was introduced to an evil little spirit called grappa.  That is some vile shit.  My brain stopped forming memories somewhere around midnight or 1 a.m. but apparently we stayed until about 3:30 a.m.  Luckily a friend of mine was in a similar state as me so I wasn’t the only person falling through the walls of the marquee. Because being too drunk to stay vertical is fine as long as you aren’t the only one.  Teamwork!

I passed out on my friend’s couch but didn’t take my shoes off first, which meant it was open season on hazing me while I slept.  I won’t get into details but will just say that my bare bum, a black magic marker, a lit cigarette, and a tiny top hat were involved. Lucky for me there is photographic evidence to show the grandkids and future employers.

Sunday was spent catching up on my stories (Vampire Diaries, Secret Circle, Person of Interest, Modern Family, to name a few) which I count as an accomplishment.

I’m going to try to take it easy for the rest of the month.  My new gym program is kicking off so I’d like to give that a chance to work.   I also need to slow down with the money spending because if I keep going like I have since payday then I’m not going to be able to afford food towards the end of the month, which would actually fit into my diet/exercise plans quite nicely…

How was your weekend?

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No More Blow Jobs!

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Apparently the leading cause of throat cancer in men is HPV:

A virus spread by oral sex may cause more cases of throat cancer in men than smoking, a finding that spurred calls for a new large-scale test of a drug used against the infection.

Researchers examined 271 throat-tumor samples collected over 20 years ending in 2004 and found that the percentage of oral cancer linked to the human papillomavirus, or HPV, surged to 72 percent from about 16 percent, according to a report released yesterday in the Journal of Clinical Oncology. By 2020, the virus-linked throat tumors — which mostly affected men — will become more common than HPV-caused cervical cancer, the report found.

HPV is known for infecting genitals.

 

Finally! The perfect excuse for not giving blow jobs (my low self-esteem makes a simple “no” out of the question). I imagine it’ll go something like this: “You wanna put that where? I don’t think so. Your dick cancer is not going to give me cancer of the pie hole! You’re just going to have to make do with a good ‘ol fashioned.”

 

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Smartly (and Smugly) Played, Apple

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Update: It’s official, I’m an asshole! RIP Steve Jobs. 

Apple announced the release of the iPhone 4S yesterday and the reaction reinforced all ofJobs like in blow jobs my opinions about the stereotypical Apple fanboy*.  The people who less than two years ago paid hundreds of pounds for a regular old iPhone 4 are disappointed they aren’t being given the opportunity to pay hundreds of more pounds for the iPhone 5 (despite not really knowing what this magical new version would look like).  Apparently since this incremental upgrade doesn’t have a matter replicator or act as a jetpack it’s a “disappointment” and “fucking letdown” and “worse than terminal cancer”.

The way I feel about Apple products is the way my grandmother feels about brown people: I don’t have a problem with them, I just don’t want them in my life. And it’s mainly down to the Apple fanatics.  I’m a PC/Android fan myself but I will gladly hold my hand up and say that Apple makes some really amazing, beautiful products.  And I bow down to the genius of Apple’s marketing, which is nothing short of genius.  Aside from the obvious side of flashy commercials and catchy songs, it’s the strategic stuff I love. Such as releasing the iPhone 4S instead of the iPhone 5.  Because they know that all the iPhone 4 owners whingeing about the new release are soon going to get Apple Envy and they’ll realize that they are worthless shitheads for not having the slightly better version and after the suicidal tendencies wear off they’ll buy this “disappointing upgrade”.  For more on this, please see this comic from Oatmeal.

So yeah, I don’t think there is a problem with the quality of Apple products and I respect their canny marketing.  Personally, I will never buy Apple because I have grown up on PCs, they are what I know, and what I am familiar with. I know a fair amount about PCs (just enough to try to do fancy stuff and break things) and I wouldn’t want a machine where I didn’t have a passing understanding of what’s going on under the hood.  I also like that PCs (and Android) make customization (“fucking with shit”) a bit easier, or, you know, don’t make every attempt they can to prevent it.  I also think that while Steve Jobs is a genius he’s also a scumbag, a comment which if anyone actually read this blog, would probably earn me death threats.  And it’s those people, those fucking fanatics who act like you’ve grown up around nuclear waste if you dare suggest that to own anything other than Apple is a mortal sin. Those people make me stab-y and want to post rants on the Internet about stupid Apple and their stupid new phones.

*In this post I’m talking about the douchey Apple fans.  Plenty of my friends own iPhones and a fair few are even heading towards being exclusively Apple for all their hardware needs. I’m not hating on them, they don’t give me grief for not being a fan, it’s just the other pricks, the ones who are too busy sucking off Steve Jobs to realize that other companies make quality products too.

 

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Apologies In Advance For All The Crap

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Lately I’ve been trying to write more and get over the usual excuses: I don’t have time, I don’t have anything to write, my writing is crap, et cetera.  Part of my motivation was this post from Seth Godin on writer’s block:

Writer’s block isn’t hard to cure.

 

Just write poorly. Continue to write poorly, in public, until you can write better.

 

…

 

If you know you have to write something every single day, even a paragraph, you will improve your writing. If you’re concerned with quality, of course, then not writing is not a problem, because zero is perfect and without defects. Shipping nothing is safe.

 

The second best thing to zero is something better than bad. So if you know you have write tomorrow, your brain will start working on something better than bad. And then you’ll inevitably redefine bad and tomorrow will be better than that. And on and on.

 

Write like you talk. Often.

 

And also something Ira Glass from This American Life says in this video about the fear of sucking which is basically that people who want to create are often put off of it because their own good taste makes them recognize their early efforts as crap. The only way to move forward is to practice, practice, practice until the stuff you are creating is no longer crap.  So that’s what I’m going to try to do.  But in the meantime, until I reach that point where this blog is not a shit factory, I do sincerely apologize!

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212 by Azealia Banks

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This hot little number, 212 by Azealia Banks, was Nick Grimshaw’s record of the week last week and I’ve had it one repeat ever since.  OK that doesn’t sound like long but I have been listening to it at least half dozen times every day since I first heard it.

And what’s not to love? It’s got an adorable MC, catchy beats, and filthy, filthy lyrics.  Watching Azaelia rap is like watching a kitten do crystal meth: the juxtaposition of cuteness and hardcore is just magical!

Some of my favourite lyrics:

  • “I wanna kick it wit your bitch that come from Parisian…. Now she wanna lick my plum in the evenin, and fit that tongue tongue so deep in”
  • “I’m a rude bitch, nigga, what are you made of?”
  • “I’ma ruin you, cunt”
  • “What’s your dick like, homie, what are you into?”

And those are just some of the ones I can make out from listening! She had the lyrics posted on her Facebook page but they got deleted when she blew up last week and had her regular profile converted into an artists’ fan page.

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Goodbye Smartphone

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I managed to lose my phone on Saturday night after a very long day of drinking and mercilessly hitting on straight men. I’m pretty sure I left it in a taxi but, to be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me if I threw it in the woods, fed it to a dog, or offered it as a dowry to one of my man-victims.

On Sunday I felt like a limb was missing. You know how people who lose a leg sometimes forget they are missing or still have sensation in their missing toes? I was the same way. I kept feeling it vibrating in my pocket or reaching for it to check Twitter.  I rarely talk on the phone but on Sunday I couldn’t stop thinking about phone calls I needed to make.  It’s been two days now and that feeling is pretty much gone.  It does drive me a little bit crazy that I can’t play Words with Friends on the train though.  The insurance claim is going to take awhile to process but I’m actually looking forward to being unable to check Twitter and Facebook every 20 minutes.

The process of reporting it lost and having it replaced through my phone insurance was tedious as usual but did have a bright spot. The gentleman on the phone at the insurance company asked how I lost it and I got a bit awkward because I didn’t really want to say, well after 10 hours of drinking on Saturday I am told I got into a taxi with some friends, woke up on their living room floor, and when I woke up my phone was gone! I kept it short and sweet and said I had been in a taxi on Saturday night and the next day I couldn’t find my phone.  This guy was a pro though and said “OK, so you were out on Saturday night with friends and your phone was in your pocket and you woke up the next day and it was gone.”  Yeah, sure, phone was in my pocket. Or balanced on my head or up my rear for all I know, but yeah, it’s gone now.  Basically he added the details that take it from being “I was drunk and I’m not really sure what happened to it” to “I really think it fell out of my pocket in the taxi and let’s not mention the excessive amounts of alcohol that were involved”.

It’s all sorted now. I’ve put a block on my phone, ordered a new SIM card, filed a report with the police, and am just waiting for the claim form to come in the post. I figured I’d have to pay £100 or more since I have the HTC Desire HD but I only have to pay £25 – though I might be getting some kind of bullshit refurbished model.  I’m not sure if this is to do with insurance being through my bank rather than Vodafone or if insurance companies in the UK don’t dick you over quite as bad about these things.  Sadly, when they told me the fee would be so little the first thing I thought was, Sweet, I can afford to get trollied again next weekend!!

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